A Summary

20Sep10

i don’t want to be insane
but i want people to know that i am
if i am
but if i am not
i want people to merely be aware
that sometimes
the things i do
are not
kosher
are not
the norm
are not
fully sane
are not
exactly
what is expected of good little girls and boys

i don’t want to be crazy
but if i am
i want people to know just enough that they skirt around the issues
treat me in such a way that the crazy doesn’t come out
and never have to tell me that i am
in fact
crazy
without, of course, ever letting on to me that they are
intentionally
preventing the crazy
from escaping from my body

i don’t want to be totally bonkers
and i hate hyperventilating
i don’t want to be mistaken
and i hate being misunderstood
but if i have a problem
don’t tell me;
fix me …
but don’t let on that it’s there

the crazy must be there for a reason
is my purpose to teach someone else a lesson?
“don’t be like this one”
“this one did it all wrong”
“this one’s quite mad”
or perhaps something better
i am here for the new prophet to fix
so that they will celebrate them
and i will be fixed
or
at least that’s what the the people will think
but i will know better
and the prophet will know better
and jesus and his father will know better
but the people are what matter
because they create the future of religion
someday they’ll worship mr prophet
but i will be forgotten or misremembered

and i hate being misunderstood

i don’t want to be one of the miracles
of some jesus-minded hobo on rideau street
alive
only
in the memories
“`of the descendants
“““of his disciples.

i just want to be normal.
but normal is relative.
i just want to be okay,
just okay …
but what kind of a thing is that to hope for?
I must remember that
I
I
am special
I
I
am different
not in italics, as in “she’s different, stay away from her”
but as in “she is special. she is different. you can learn from her
and you too
can be special
you too
can be different
if you want to be.”

but who wants to be crazy?

and I hate being misunderstood.

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